Reviewing "Stolen Midummer Bride" by Tara Grayce

    The main male character of this book, Basil, is a lowly assistant librarian in a Great Library. He is an elf dedicated to preserving the books, and protecting this magical institution from the many monsters that attack and try to eat the magical tomes, relics, and librarians. With Midsummer's Night coming up, the attacks are expected to be very difficult. There are a few other assistant librarians; Lysander, Hermia, Demetrius, and Helena, who Basil should be able to depend on for help, but they are dealing with some complicated relationship troubles that mirror the relationships in Shakespeare's play, A Midsummer Night's Dream. Basil's king, Theseus, gives Basil an extremely difficult task to add to Basil's duties, and poor Basil is desperate for a wife to assist him in the upcoming days. And not just for help in the Library, he wants a companion for his lonely life. Unfortunately, Basil doesn't come from a wealthy family, has little standing as a mere Assistant Librarian, so has little prospects for marriage. His only hope is to kidnap a human from the other side of the veil.

    Enter the main female character, Meg, a human whose own prospects in marriage and life are bleak. She is days away from being sold into sexual slavery by the holder of the lien on her family's farm, and the only thing she can think of to protect herself and the younger siblings she has been trying to raise after the death of her parents is to find a wealthy Elf to steal her away. Slipping away to the nearby faerie circle, Meg falls asleep, only to be awoken by Basil.

    With many nods to Shakespeare's play, the misunderstandings between the serious librarian Basil and the illiterate, hardworking peasant farmer, Meg, are worked through and together for the duo try to find a way to save the Library, Meg's family, and the entire Faerie realm while learning how to be a couple. Basil was steadfast and kind, even when realizing Meg couldn't read. He helped her find a way to contribute in the mending of old books, which she enjoyed and the other librarians were often too busy to get to. Meg was very down to earth and ended up being a great companion for Basil. One of my favorite moments was when some of the monsters that stormed the Library were quite fierce, but as a farmer, Meg was quite skilled at eradicating vermin! 

    The story was well written, and the growth of Basil and Meg, as well as the sweet romance (no spice!) blossoming between the two were a lovely experience. It was a quick, light read, with some very funny moments, especially with the talking pony that lives with Basil. If you are looking for something with low angst and high positivity, this is definitely for you.

I give this book 4.5 out of 5 quills. The link to Amazon is below, and it is free on Kindle Unlimited.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08ZMCLCJD/?bestFormat=true&k=stolen%20midsummer%20bride&ref_=nb_sb_ss_w_scx-ent-pd-bk-d_de_k0_1_9

When Animals Attack, Tennessee Edition

For some reason, several deer mommas have recently decided that my Pyrenees, Vasya the Wonder Floof, would make a good babysitter and left their fawns concealed in the woods at the back of my property.  This is probably because, under normal circumstances, Vasya keeps the predators run off and mostly ignores the large, blueberry stealing, garden munching ruminants as long as they keep to themselves.  But this all changes when the first momma decided to try and menace her and the other dogs when they wondered too close to her hidden baby.  Suddenly, some hidden switch deep in Vasya's Livestock Guard Dog brain flipped, and now, deer are Not To Be Trusted.  The war was on. 

 

                    (She likes to hang out under the deck, because it feels like the mouth of hell in the South right now.)

Since that moment, the Wonder Floof has been on high alert, diligently clearing our five acres of the high-strung creatures any time she catches sight or sniff of them.  Unfortunately, this recently lead to a situation where I caught Her Furriness chasing a fawn across the back part of the property, determined to rid us of its pestilential presence.  To date, we have had two fatalities due to run-ins between dogs and baby deer, and I was determined there was not going to be a third.  Yelling at the top of my lungs, I took off after them.

Anyone who has ever been around a working Pyr knows that when she is doing Her Job, she is unimpressed by her human's opinions.  (If that's not the universal case, and it's only my dog, don't tell me.  Let me keep my ego-saving delusions, please.)  So, of course, she ignored me and continued her pursuit with me charging in her wake.  (And by charging, I mean stumbling and wheezing in the vague direction they were heading, pretending that I had a chance to alter the outcome of this encounter.)   That was the moment that momma deer leaped out of the forest and came after me, creating a bizarre, farcical conga line streaking across the back half of my property.

                                                                                                                  (https://www.vecteezy.com)

 I was not prepared for this physical challenge, so I peeled off, bowing out of the situation and wishing the deer the best, but momma deer had a different plan and followed me, pivoting on her tiny, sharp little hooves to run me down.  I immediately joined the ranks of countless movie heroines and tripped over my own feet, slamming into the ground at full speed as visions of all those episodes of When Animals Attack that my 9th grade Geography teacher inexplicably made us watch scrolling through my brain at warp speed.  Luckily, momma deer watched me splat against the ground like a bug on a windshield and realized that I was too stupid and inept to be a real threat, pivoted again, and went after the others.

I shoved myself inelegantly to me feet, trying not to think about how many chiropractic visits this was going to take to fix, and ran-stumbled back to an area I felt was safe enough away to stop and hyperventilate.  I turned back just in time to see momma and fawn jumping the fence to safety and the Floof trotted triumphantly back to me.  She was barely winded.

So, yeah, I need to start working out for real. 😬

 It's been a looong time since updating!  Turns out I'm pretty terrible at this, but I promise to try and do better!

A lot has happened since the last time I updated, the most important being.....I published my first book!!  The Great Escapism is now available on Kindle to buy or to read on KU! ((Find it here!)

Did I do a book launch will all the bells and whistles that the "experts" recommend?  No, I did not, and here's why.  My own personal expertise is in overthinking to the point of overwhelm.  Reading all the recommendations and trying to figure out how to implement them, then seeing all the other "experts" saying, no, my way is the actual "right" way, pretty much just threw me into a state of paralysis and indecision.  So I said screw it, found an artist for the cover (https://miblart.com, check them out because they're amazing), and went for it!

So, that's how I did it, and I have no regrets!

Now I just have to finish the sequel.  I only have about 10,000 words to go, so it should be done soon, then it'll be up to Lady Em to edit.  Wish me luck!

Jo

Romance: Let's See How Far We've Come

(After reading that title, does anyone else have the absolute best Machbox 20 song ever recorded stuck in their head?)

The romance genre and I have had a rocky, on-again-off-again relationship.  There was a time that I passionately adored it.  It was a genre where I found the kind of witty, sarcastic female characters that made me laugh out loud, long before those kinds of women started to populate the pages of the other novels I picked up.  (That's not to say they weren't there, just that they weren't there in the books that I found.)  There were also characters with deep emotional wounds that didn't bury everything under a deep layer of cynicism and call it good.  They (usually) grew and learned and became better people.  It was amazing.

But it also let me down, over and over and over again.  One interesting female character after another started out with such promise, met a man, then gave up everything that made her interesting to devote her every thought and action to the Love Interest of the story.  Almost without fail, I would hit about the two-thirds mark and completely lose interest, because the actual plot would fade into the background as The Relationship became the only important thing.  Resolution of the big outside conflict was often superficial and unsatisfying because, hey, who cares about the bad guy?  The main character has found a man!  Nothing else really matters!

And despite how this may sound, I am in NO WAY attempting to criticize the authors.  Romance is hard-core genre writing.  Readers have specific things they're looking for and expect their authors of choice to provide.  The novels I'm describing were written by women at the top of the Romance game, because they were giving the readers what they were looking for.  It just wasn't what I was looking for.

Fast forward a few (*cough* ten) years to today, when I cautiously began to dip my metaphorical toe back into the Romance world.  Wow.  What a revolution has occurred.  Admittedly, my sampling has been limited so far, but I have found myself delighted and a little amazed at the change I've found in the genre.  These ladies are interesting, and they continue to be interesting until the very last page of the book.  They have their own lives that they don't immediately give up once a man claims them as his own.  Seriously, check out Hook, Line, and Sinker by Tessa Bailey (although you should definitely start with the first book, It Happened One Summer, because it's freaking awesome).  

There are women who are smart and giving the men a run for their money.  I recently read The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood, and I am officially that woman's fangirl.  Holy crap, a character who is an emotional mess and making important contributions to science and in a relationship with a brilliant man but doesn't need him to give her the answers because she's smart enough to figure it out on her own.  Plus, I kinda love the fake-dating trope.  

So, yeah.  I'm basically loving this newly discovered world of reading possibilities.  I've looking forward to meeting a lot of new, amazing authors and stories as I explore this rediscovered world of humor, emotion, and guaranteed Happily Ever After.

~Jo

Things the Internet Doesn't Tell You

 So, I've had a small farm for a few years now, and one thing that I've learned is that most blogs I've read about hobby farms are FULL OF LIES.  At the very least, they skip over the less desirable details that would really be useful to know right off the bat so you can plan for it.  For instance, do you have any idea what your deck looks like when you have free range chickens?  This.  This is what it looks like.

Fun fact, that deck was power washed about a week and a half ago.  But it's fine.

One thing they really don't talk about are hawks, and they way they love to eat your baby chickens.  Vasya the Wonder Pyrenes can protect my flock from most predators, but even she can't stop something that dives out of the sky without warning.  Which is why, when four unexpected babies appeared with a hen yesterday afternoon, we had to catch them and put them in the nursery until they're big enough to stand a chance.  This involved a fishing net, food, some pretty remarkable evasive maneuvers, and me sprinting across the yard carefully holding a day-old baby while an enraged hen chased me.  Three different times.  (I managed to get two at a time during one round.)  But now they are all safe and sound under the grow light, waiting to get their true feathers so they can be moved out to the nurseries we have set up in the coops.  They'll stay there until they're big enough to stand a chance against the hawks.

Congratulating myself on selflessly risking my life to save these defenseless babies (mama chickens are mean, y'all), I was shuffling the variously aged groups of juvenile chickens to make sure everyone had the space, heat, and social interactions they needed, when I witnessed one of my ducks TRYING TO DROWN MY FEMALE IN A KIDDIE POOL!!  He straight up grabbed her by the back of the neck and shoved her head under water.  Full disclosure, I have basically zero experience with ducks.  These were given to me by someone who did not have a Wonder Pyre of their own and had lost almost their entire flock to predators.  I had learned enough to know that three drakes and one hen was a terrible ratio that would lead to all sorts of duck death and destruction when mating season rolls around.  But mating season isn't supposed to start until December, and it's June.  I was supposed to have time, by God.  But these guys apparently didn't read the same information I did and decided to move the timetable up and start the murder early.  Luckily, I have a friend who is thrilled to start her own bachelor flock, so she's going to be taking the boys as soon as she gets her yard set up for them.  Poor Cleo is currently locked in a coop until I can move the boys into their new, female-free home.  I would lock them in the coop, because they're the ones who chose violence, but there's currently a broody hen in there that I don't want them bothering.  

(Cleo, in happier times before her near-death experience)

So my life is currently baby chickens, homicidal ducks, and lots and lots of poop.  Everywhere.  Also tree chickens, because most of my birds think sleeping in a coop is beneath them.  But at least my life is never boring. 😆

I've also just hit 51,000 words in the novel, so things are progressing well.  The murder, magic, mini-dragons, and general all-round chaos are at about the 2/3 mark and hurtling towards the finish line.

Making Lotions and the Challenges Thereof  

So, there's been a lot of chaos lately.  Sick animals, home repairs, family COVID outbreak, etc, all while I'm in the process of building up a new business.  And while being a massage therapist is a solid career plan long-term, it can take a while to build up a client base.  During that time, finances are--to put it mildly--precarious.  That means that this year's Christmas presents are pretty much all going to be hand-made, using things that I already have laying around the house.  (I know what you're thinking.  It's almost February, why are we talking about Christmas now?  Well, due to the above-mentioned family COVID outbreak, our Christmas was moved to the first weekend of February, and I am in the last minute anxiety as I realize all the things I haven't done yet.)

Being a person who takes gift giving seriously, I looked around at my admittedly eclectic supply of craft accoutrements and thought, hey, I've got a bunch of oils that I've diffused skin-healing herbs into, let's make the adult females in my family lotion!  I found a recipe on Pintrest, saw that I had all the supplies necessary, and smiled triumphantly.  I was making lotion.  Lots of people did it.  What could be easier?

                                            What I Thought It Would Look Like

(Cue mildly hysterical laughter here.)

Two hours later, I was staring a blob of runny goop with a mixture of rage, despair, and frustration as my immersion blender made burning motor smells at me in resentment.  My skin, counter-top, and kitchen walls were all nice and moisturized, as everything was coated with a substantial amount of oil that had flown out of the jars I was using to emulsify the mixture, so I guess that's one positive thing that came out of it.  Sort of.  (At one point, I had changed into shorts just to supply myself with more exposed skin to wipe off the rogue oils that had escaped the project, despite the fact that it's January.) 

 At that point, from what I could see, the "lotion" was room temperature and about as emulsified as it was going to get.  Plus, the smells coming from my immersion blender made me feel pretty sure it was about to commit suicide out of pure spite if I kept pushing it.  So, I figured I would dump it all into a mixing bowl, and if any excess water gathered, I would blot it out with a paper towel.  

This resulted in large globs of soft lotion sticking to the paper towel, which seemed wasteful, so I put the bowl in the fridge.  Once the lotion was cold, it would be harder, I could tip the bowl in its side, and all the water would run to the edge for blotting.  Right?  

After two days of this, I left the lotion out overnight to return to room temperature.  I woke this morning to a watery nightmare the consistency of awful, maliciously mocking me for my earlier crafting hubris.  The entire thing is currently sitting in a stainless steel colander lined with cheese cloth.

                                                    What It Currently Looks Like

Will I actually give this mess to people for Christmas?  It's looking doubtful, which means I have only a few more days to replace the gifts for four family members.  On the positive side, even though it's mildly disgusting, the lotion works, so I should be set for moisturizer for a good long while.

Throughout this ordeal, I've been slowly plugging away at a new novel.  I'm almost finished with the fourth chapter.  I've been having trouble connecting with my main character, but I think I've managed to work out the kinks in our relationship in the past few days, so I'm feeling good about this one.  There will be murder, action, romance, magical exotic pets, an obnoxious ex, and a hot new potential for romance.  But for now, I'll leave you with these cute pictures of my dogs. 

Jo, the Uncrafty

December Moratorium

 Lady Em here, wishing everyone a Happy New Year!

I am belatedly declaring this past December, and probably future Decembers, on a blogger Moratorium. It doesn't mean we WON'T post, just that we won't promise to post. Both of us are super busy that month, and we don't foresee that changing in the very near future.

That being said, tomorrow I will post a book review on one of Amanda Milo's very funny novels. She has a lot of them!

We hope your holidays were happy and your New Year is full of amazing moments and accomplishments.